I Will Be The Biggest Loser

This is more of a personal confession than a blog post. It's just something I needed to say.

If you know me, you may not know that one of the biggest struggles I have face myself with my entire life is with weight loss. Irony...right? How could Chad Morgan the king of food, of eating for pleasure, and not caring what anyone thinks about him be self conscious about weight? Well... it's true. Ever since I was young I slowly but steadily became the fat kid, I don't ever remember being at a weight that wasn't over except once and I'll reach that in a second. Food is one of my favorite things on this Earth and is my drug. I will inhale it in seconds and have an opinion on it all. Gluttony is my sin and my aphrodisiac and my problem. I use to come home from school throughout my entire twelve years and just eat...and eat...and eat.. and then my parents would come home and I would lie that I had not eaten all day and beg to go to a restaurant so I could eat even more. I deserved to turn into the person I became but every now and then I would realize how bad my situation was and then flip the mind switch and go die hard into a healthy lifestyle. My brother has always been good to me on that note, always pushing me to my potential and I remember him telling me once a long time ago that  losing weight is easier than gaining weight and I remember looking at him like he was crazy. The thing is... it is easier. Weight loss is a science. A pound of fat equals 3,500 calories and you need a certain amount of calories a day and anything you burn over that amount calculates as weight loss. It's all in the mind. That's the hard part. Some people want to ignore this science, that it really isn't that easy. I did it once. I reached my lowest weight when I was in 7th grade and I had switched schools and went anorexic in order to achieve the body I always wanted.

I was the smallest I had ever been.. but I also blacked out every time I stood up, was tired everyday, and couldn't do any activity. The stopping point came when I fainted in front of my mother and almost crack my head on tile flooring. I agreed to never do that again, that it wasn't worth it. The next few years had small ups and downs until I decided to travel with my dad on a month long journey out West. I enjoyed being with my father more than anything and seeing so many places but I soon lost control, and after that trip, I was on a runaway train. By the second semester of my junior year I was technically obese and weighing in at 262 pounds.

Size 40 in pant size, all the buttons on my large button up shirts were stretching and popping and yet I wouldn't stop eating. It's funny how food is the acceptable drug of today. I was so unhappy. So unhappy... and I had friends trying to stop it like the always wonderful Brittany Roe but I would always say live for the moment and enjoy your food. I was wrong. I used food to cover everything up. I know no moderation when it comes to food. I just don't. You know what the worst parts were... I constantly told people all Summer long that I hated swimming, just so I wouldn't have to go and take my shirt off. I missed birthday parties because of it and wouldn't go to water parks. I love swimming.. and I adore water parks. I had dreams of taking a steak knife and cutting all the fat off. I hid under layers though and no one could actually see how bad it was getting. At the start of my senior year my health went off. I felt my heart doing weird things and I sweated constantly and I couldn't do things. I felt lethargic. I was having nose bleeds that led me to a nurse's office, which led to a doctor's office where I was diagnosed with high blood pressure..at my age... and that I had to do something. My mom had the nurse check my blood pressure every two days at school. Still I did nothing. I don't know what I was waiting for but soon after I had my first surgery, a tonsillectomy and I recovered badly and it took my two weeks of pain meds to get back to normal. In those two weeks of pain narcotics, I dropped 16 pounds. I was amazed. How is that possible! Right then and there on the scale it clicked in my mind. Do it. Just do it. And I did. I went on a self designed diet rooted mostly in Kashi products and "exercised" everyday. I air quote that because I was so unhealthy it took weeks before I considered what I was doing as exercise. I made things fun and implemented Chadersize to my friends as something that I just did for fun and that what I was doing now was just what I've always said to do, just be you. But no one knew how serious this was. After two months I had made headway and weighed in at 232 pounds. 30 pounds gone!!!!! I felt good, people complimented the change and then Thanksgiving came and I became comfortable... I relapsed starting that night and didn't wake up till February. It took a while to pick myself back up but I trudged along month and month teetering around 230 trying to hold it. Then I came to DePaul. I took this as my chance and decided I was going to do this right. The right way, the healthy way. I told a close friend who I knew would be there for me in case I went astray and needed help. I started watching The Biggest Loser for information as well as incredible inspiration, I used my school gym membership to its fullest potential and started going everyday taking advantage of fitness programs and I ate healthy. The good healthy where You eat every meal with extra snacks in between and plenty of food and vitamins, you just eat the good food. I gave myself pizza and burgers every week just enough for state of mind and I worked hard. Now... I weigh 192 pounds. I'm thinner than I have been in years. Technically, I'm only ten pounds overweight now. No longer obese and no longer above the 200 harder marker. I have had bad weeks where I relapse but if you pick yourself up, it never killed me. 

The Biggest Loser was my biggest inspiration the entire time. When you fail yourself or people aren't there for you, The Biggest Loser most definitely will be. I would be in total depth of giving up because I couldn't notice results and after 45 minutes of that show I would go straight back to the gym. Running is  my thing now. That's why I started this blog with the running bit because it kind of has changed my life. I feel better than I have in a long time. Last night I achieved a goal of running a 7k straight without any problems. It was easy. two months ago, I couldn't walk at 3 miles per hour without aching and breathing hard, now I can run 6 mph easy and walk at 4.5mph which is a jogging pace for most. I surprise myself everyday and it all started with a tonsillectomy. Funny how things work out. I still haven't reached my goal of being healthy yet, but I will not give up until I finally am the person I always wanted to be on the outside. My brother Kyle is a huge inspiration, he was always trying to help me when I was younger and I want to show him that I can do it, and that one day I'll be strong enough to beat him up haha. I just always wanted to tell someone this. That I struggle a lot with something I refused to say that I struggled with. And it's still something I struggle with a lot. I am no longer afraid of myself around food I just know I need moderation and that exercise is the most important factor in all of this. I have new running shoes and I plan on emerging form the winter and into the New Year as a changed man. 2010 has been a big year. I've gone from 40 to 32 in pant size and to date have lost 70 pounds. It is possible for anyone. 1 pound of fat equals 4 sticks of butter volume wise. When you feel like you aren't seeing any results think about that.

It all adds up. Remember weight loss is a science, you just gotta study your material. There is a very wrong way and there is a simple right way. It just takes a lot of willpower to realize and to stick to it. I made my choice, and I will continue the struggle. Thanksgiving is coming up, this year, I won't give up again. My healthy weight goal 180 pounds. Find what works best for you but never hate yourself. I made that mistake too many times. It took me until the beginning of last year to learn to love my body. It's all up to you, no one else.