January Day Dreams

Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that it was was January 1st, New Year's Day. But sitting here on the night before the last day of January, I know it's not true. Many times I day dream back to the first day of 2011 because I was lucky enough to get to come home and plan a day for Brandon and I. Brandon would always kidnap me and take me to places I'd never think to go and we'd end up having the best day together there. This time, I pulled it off and we ended up at Powhatan State Historic Park.

The courthouse was closed but it was wonderful by the river and the fact that it was just us all the same. We then topped the day off by driving to Memphis to have dinner together downtown at t.g.i. Friday's and seeing The King's Speech at the Paradiso. I'd have to say it couldn't of been a more perfect first day of the year. I had to leave the next morning :(. That is always a hard thing.

This is the view outside my dorm window. Chicago is beautifully cold and snowy everyday. Just like the first days I came here and fell in love with the city. I've greatly enjoyed the first half of my Winter Quarter. Foundations in Cinema, Human Communication, Sreenwriting, and Ethics in Cinema have been a blast.

This is the view outside my Human CMN class downtown on the 8th Floor. I love looking out and seeing the snow flurries hide the skyscrapers. I am a DePaul tour guide now and one of the things most people fall in love with is the fact that this is the view you get from your classrooms.

Tour guiding can be pretty cold in the Winter though because the campus is under a Winter blanket. This is the quad and is now home to major snowball wars. We are on a blizzard watch for the next three days so we will see what happens lol. The following pic is what my desk looks like now:

I keep collecting random gifts from people that mean something to me, and of course everyone needs their handy dandy magic ped egg lol. I have been sending out some funny cards to people because I enjoy mailing things so if anyone else out there also enjoys this timeless practice and would like to start up a discourse I have included my address written out so eloquently by the wonderful Brittany Roe.

Trust me, you will love my stamps and stick people on balloons artwork :). February means the Oscars race is about to heat up big time and I can't wait to watch all of the nominated films!

You should also take it upon yourself to check them out! Thank you Entertainment Weekly for the update! I haven't seen them all yet but I think Inception should win. It's just too good. But props to Toy Story 3 for making me bawl like a baby. I spend alot of time at the gym as usual. Over my 6 week break at home I gained 15 pounds back. (Remember my problems with moderation). I hit the gym extra hard this month and am glad to say it's all burnt off and then some. Current weight is 191lbs! 13 more to go to reach my goal! I will be going on a cruise in the Caribbean for Spring Break and I have 6 weeks to work hard before I have to be in a place where the shirt must come off. It's crunch time and my heart is set on it.

This is me getting ready for DePaul's basketball homecoming! It was 80's themed and held in the ballroom of Chicago's Drake hotel. It felt like I was in a movie the entire night and it was definitely one of the best memories I'll carry with me in my life. The only dance that was crazier was the International Thespian Festival gay/lesbian/bi anything in the world goes dance that Emilee Elaine and I had the pleasure of attending. The following are pics from that night!

My dorm hall showing their pride for the 80's through video game flashback!

My gur Hannah and I went to the Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory on the Mag Mile before entering the ballroom! It was most definitely awesome!!!!! And the desserts were as big as our faces, but we went to town and had the best night together. I love you Hannah!

My phone died once I got into the ballroom but I managed one pic. Vaulted ceilings, columns, a couple Cher performances, a mile long buffet, dancing with friends like none other, and singing 90s music on the bus back made for a night to remember!

All in all, I'm transforming like the caterpillar I played in my school musical my senior year of high school. I'm working hard, trying my best, and taking all the opportunities I can get. Shout outs to Emilee and Elaine and Aaron Braverman who are visiting me next week and the week after respectively. It's going to be a blast! And also, I have posted 5, soon to be 6, albums of The Trip of a Lifetime that Brandon and I took this Summer on Facebook so check them out and comment and see as Courtney Hill puts it "The reason it seemed like I fell off the face of the Earth." lol And please vote on my sidebars of this blog! It's stupid but hey, so am i! lol I miss you Brandon, Lecie, Mom, Dad, Boston, Kyle and Rachel! Everyone make sure to check out my brothers journeys an www.kyleandrach.com and Lecie, thank you for what you said! You're the best sister anyone could ever have and you don't know how much I love you! 

p.s. Hope everyone enjoyed a blog post that had no major point I was building up to lol. Tell me which style you like better.

Letting Go

I am a stick in the mud sometimes.

I think everyone needs to take a step back and realize that they might be too. Sometimes in our lives and when we form relationships with people, we tend to stop ourselves, to suspend the happenings of life in perpetual motion because we can let go. The problem is that most of these hang ups don't matter, but yet they are so hard to let go of. I guess we just like to argue with ourselves. To always be known and to never give in to the inevitable or to things that just shouldn't be fought. Life and people are the way it and they will be. Trust me, you will be much happier if you can just let it go.

We all live a life that runs on it's own track but continues to infinitely bounce, affecting and being affected, off everyone and everything we come into contact with. Your ability to bounce is affected by your ability to let go.

Hey, I'll move out of the way for you
Hey, I'll move out of the way for her too

I never know what to do with my love
I never know what to do with my hands
So I put them behind my back
I put them behind my back
Behind my back

Can I move out of the way tomorrow?
Can I move into the way tonight? 

Hey, don't you know what it means when I say "hey"?
Hey see it in my face, I'm breaking
I've waited for so long
Just to know
That you'd wrap yourself around me if you couldn't let go

-Let Go by Ingrid Michaelson

You have choices. It's weird to thing that any interaction you have with someone can be looked as you getting in to the way of them living their lives. To get in the way, or not get in the way. Holding on and letting go. Asking someone out to go see a movie is just like the lyric "Can I move into the way tonight?" This is not to say that you must sit forever wanting to not get in the way. The person portrayed in the song falls in love , but yet she feels that every second she has no idea if the man she is in love with wants to be with her so she doesn't get in the way, yet inside she falls apart hoping that since he isn't leaving, that he will one day wrap his arms around her and love her - all because he couldn't let go. All of us are in our situation like this in one way or another, finding ourselves unable to let go of something always hoping that what we are holding on to hasn't let go of us either.

I was angry about the finale of LOST for a long time. When my brother got me hooked on it in it's fourth season, I watched every episode avidly and spread the word of LOST until everyone I went to school with was also hooked. It was the best show I had ever seen and it never failed to blow me away... until the end. I guess I could always tell after the third season that LOST was headed in a direction I already knew would be shaky. Instead of becoming a show about mysteries and island adventures, it was becoming a vehicle to explore the implications of science and faith. But yet, I was still hooked. THe show was too good to let that bother me then until it came down to the Final Season. All the answers were promised and all my friends and I were prepared to be blown away, but week by week, each episode went on and on, with no answers. For the first time I was content with skipping it and watching it online when I wasn't busy. It wasn't that the episodes weren't good, it was that I had built an expectation that could never be matched. Then I saw the finale... That was it?? All across America came the outcry as everyone wondered what in the hell just happened. For weeks and weeks, I was content with just saying "whatever LOST..whatever." Grey's Anatomy was there for me and I forgot about the lousy ending to LOST until this holiday break. I am an avid reader of Entertainment Weekly and if you read the magazine you know the best issue of the year is the New Years Double Issue that includes the Best and Worst in entertainment of the entire year. As I was reading, I came to an article about LOST, the final review for the show - the goodbye. I was curious and started reading the two pages in front of me. What I read changed my entire interpretation of LOST's final moments. The reviewer went on to state that the ending to LOST was perfect, it was exactly what the show set out to achieve, because in the end, LOST pulled off the ultimate feat. IF you aren't familiar with the show, each episodes presents the point of view of one character and how the Island they find themselves on makes them face their past, their hang ups, and their relationships, and show them how to let go. That none of it matters. For 6 seasons, we watched every character's journey and how they faced the questions of their lives until they finally realized it doesn't matter, just let go. With the viewer, the article stated, the show set up a thousand questions, it enticed you to want to know, it kept you entertained, it made you bite your nails, scream, cry, laugh, it took you on a journey and then just like life, just like all the other characters, it made you face up to the point of the entire show - just let go.

There are no answers to insolvable questions, the reasons to life are not always explained, and living and love and happiness is more important than answers. Just like the characters, in the end we are faced with the aspect of being asked to let go of something that affected our lives for 6 years. But when the end came... could you? After reading the article, I thought it was genius, how could I never have interpreted that? Because I wasn't ready to let go, I wasn't one of those people that could, yes it is just a show, but it's also a strong metaphor. I couldn't let go of something that was apart of me for 6 years and for months I sat brooding and unhappy, but it was pointless. Just in life, with break ups, memories, problems, questions that can't be answered, religion, politics - we argue, we fight, we question, and we forget that what's most important is being happy and the people around us. Good job LOST. You got me, and there are still thousands of people who don't understand, but now I do, and I think the ending is perfect now. I accept that. I have let go.

Yeah, I use a thousand extended metaphors and take up pages of writing for small concepts but the point is... just let go. Say you love someone. Forgive and forget. Don't grudge. Accept what you thought you couldn't before. Take a bad situation and stop taking it badly. Just let go. I had a talk recently with someone in the middle of the night who stressed to me the importance of this subject. It's funny that until she pointed this out, I didn't realize how many things I was doing that was causing a lot of stress, sadness, and problems in my own life. How much I was hurting people around me. Going into 2011, I am learning to let go more often. I was being a stick in the mud, and it was time for me to pull myself out of it. I'm Sorry.